'Pilion' review

At the beginning of the last act I could hear my internal monologue drafting up my letterboxd review preemptively: most romantic film of the year - a rom-com disguised in leather - sex and passion and love and obsession. 

However, Ray’s disappearance (and knowing what happens to him in the book) shattered my illusion of soulmates and grand romance persevering all, and left me sad. Perhaps melancholic is a better word; after the death of Colin’s mother I felt the familiar feelings of grief rise in me. Seeing Colin’s psyche break under the pressure of grief and unrequited adoration was painfully recognisable to me - death of a parent can leave you lost, unsure of who you really are without them. Ray’s well-hidden vulnerability breaking through to support Colin at his lowest displayed that he does have the capacity to love, and to love deeply, but his walls and boundaries are up so unimaginably high that becoming comfortable with intimacy, enjoying it and longing for it, ultimately scares him so deeply he runs away.

In the end, Ray is the one left broken. Colin, despite the heartbreak, has been shaped irrevocably by Ray, and able to take the experiences and insight into a new, healthier relationship. Ray, on the other hand, has to disappear completely to even try to shake the realisation that Colin has changed him, has opened him up to the possibility of love. That look after the kiss, the unrestrained terror Alexander Skarsgard effortlessly portrayed, is so heartbreaking. Really, under it all, they both want the same thing; to be seen, and to be understood, and loved despite it all. As Colin says, is love not the whole point?

Something I particularly loved about this film was the incredible acting and how so much was unspoken yet said so clearly through the chemistry shared by the leads. It was so compelling to watch - at times it felt like Harry Melling was delivering whole monologues through his shuffling feet and inability to speak up. A beautiful film about how people change us and leave their mark on our lives, for better or for worse. Some may say they have been changed for good. Some may also say this is very similar to wicked with much much more sex.